Every parent makes mistakes. Sometimes those mistakes are small; sometimes they are life-altering. But if we are honest with ourselves and do the work, many of those mistakes can be made right again.

David* was struggling with his 8-year-old son, Micah. Already under pressure from a custody dispute with Micah’s mom, David became increasingly frustrated with Micah’s behavior and began losing control. Again and again, David’s temper exploded and his attempts at physical discipline crossed the line into something very different.

One night David yanked Micah by the arm and threw him into his room. Terrified, Micah called his mom, who immediately picked him up and called child protective services. After Micah was evaluated at CARES, his mother sought emergency temporary custody until it was safe for him to be with David again.

David no longer recognized himself – he knew he had seriously damaged his relationship with Micah and that he needed to make changes. When a CARES Northwest therapist contacted him about participating in a special form of therapy with Micah, David jumped at the chance.

CARES Northwest therapists helped Micah and his dad work through what happened and rebuild their relationship by using a therapy called Alternatives for Families: A Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (AF-CBT). Together, David and Micah participated in counseling, sometimes together and sometimes individually. David dove deep into the process, exploring why he behaved that way and how it impacted Micah. He learned more positive disciplinary tools and began to communicate with Micah in a new way. Seeing his dad participate in counseling reassured Micah that his dad meant it when he said he wanted to change. Ultimately, David realized that the most powerful parenting tool is a strong relationship with his child.

Towards the end of therapy, David wrote Micah a letter in which he took responsibility for his actions. He apologized for every time he put his hands on Micah or said hurtful things. He acknowledged the fear he instilled in his son and committed to changing so the two could continue to grow closer again.

One passage of the letter said, “For all the ways I made you hurt, I am deeply sorry…I put it in your hands to allow me to prove to you that I can be a better father for you. I will spend the rest of my days working to be the father you deserve. You truly deserve the best.”

David and Micah graduated AF-CBT counseling together and their relationship is in a really good place. They spend one-on-one time and are talking more than they ever have before. And when David starts feeling frustrated, he knows he has tools he can count on to keep his temper in check and work through the situation together.

AF-CBT can help parents not only address their mistakes, but it can also bring their relationship with their child to an entirely new level. Seeing their parents taking responsibility for their actions can be a powerful part of the healing process for children. It is extremely hard work and the commitment from parents like David to see it through is amazing. CARES Northwest therapists are honored to support parents and kids as they use AF-CBT to find their way back to each other after harm.

*Names and identifying details have been changed to protect patient privacy.